People who have trouble setting boundaries usually have trouble responding to boundaries set by others.Instead of feeling dismissed, angry, or rejected when friends or lovers put limits on your interactions, respond with “I value your honesty” or “I appreciate you sharing that with me”—even if the boundary was difficult to hear.

When others set boundaries

Set yourself up for success by choosing a cherished friend, family member, or partner to be your boundary cheerleader.When you set a new boundary, let your cheerleader know,  and carve out space for the two of you to celebrate your success.

Designate a 'cheerleader'

It’s totally normal to feel guilty, selfish, or embarrassed after setting a (completely valid) boundary.Your boundary-setting muscle will take time to develop. Prepare a mantra to refer to after setting difficult boundaries with others. “I set boundaries to..."

Your post-boundary-setting mantra

Healthy friendships are mutually nourishing, not one-sided and depleting.If you have a one-sided friendship that leaves you feeling unseen, unheard, or disrespected, resolve to take a break from that relationship.

Take a break from a toxic friendship

It’s common to feel like you need to explain your boundaries to others. But you don’t.Practice saying “No, thanks” and nothing more.

Practice saying “no thanks”

Emotions like overwhelm, anger, and frustration may indicate that others are intruding on your personal time or space.Instead of pushing the feelings away, try understanding them. It will allow you to set the right boundaries.

Name your feelings

Start conversations about boundaries with a disclaimer to set the stage for a compassionate, permissive discussion.Share your resolution to set boundaries. Explain why it’s important to you and how you believe it will benefit you.

Prepare your well-being disclaimer

Without a clear sense of your own boundaries, you may regularly overshare personal information. It can make others feel uneasy and you uncomfortably overexposed.Create a list of sensitive topics that you will only discuss with trusted people who make you feel safe and seen.

Find your trusted people

Imagine the many ways you will benefit from setting boundaries.How will you change? How will your daily life become richer? How might you feel more authentic in your relationships? Keep your vision at the forefront as you make the decisions.

Imagine how your life will be different

"Boundaries are a part of self-care. They are healthy, normal, and necessary." ~Doreen Virtue I still have the journal entry that sparked my journey into boundary setting. It says, in striking black pen, "I wish I could speak my truth. If I can learn to speak my truth before I die, I will die a happy woman."